what is spiral eyedd?

Spiral Eyedd began as a sketchbook drawing. I had just finished my second season of tree planting, jacked up in creative energy and feeling very inspired to return to the city. My final year of university was especially isolating. I came back feeling all this love and good energy from a community of planters - leaving with lifelong friends and lessons I wanted to apply into my dance making. 

But returning to a creative community I didn't feel understood or accepted by sent me into a spiral of anxiety and questioning my self worth. In my school cohort, I felt isolated and strange. Still, I wanted to make the most of my final year and soak up the resources of an institution. I decided that every free chance I would get, I would use studio space to dance, every lunch break would be a creative scheming period where I'd draw or paint, and every interaction would be research. 

My fourth year piece titled " about my body, about my mom" came at a time where I was processing a lot of trauma. I had been also going to raves on weekends, usually solo, and would dance until I felt something. The piece embodied a strange surreal experience where during a rave I had a memory resurface of myself as a 13 year old sitting at the dining room table talking to a CAS worker. It was so weird that I had blocked something out for so long. As I embarked on this process with a team of really wonderful artists, I started experiencing sleep paralysis and intense emotions. It felt like I was going insane. It was a time where I felt so confused about my life. I was trying to get involved with the Toronto dance community outside of my school, I was trying to graduate with decent grades, and I was trying to develop my artistic voice. It all came crumbling to a halt - I felt numb the remainder of the process, I was in a show downtown that I felt completely detached from, and that winter break I went to the beach and drew the image above. 

This drawing represents the beginning of a new chapter in my artistic journey. Think of when a tree begins to grow into two separate branches (from a google search I learned this is called bifurcation.) I began to entertain the "weird" part of myself. The part that didn't necessary fit with being a dance artist or the places I found myself in. 

It was very disorienting to find myself yearning for something I had not thought I was capable of nor did I ever entertain the possibility of. When I went to an arts high school, I never took a visual arts class.

And yet in the depths of my chest, an intuition telling me... pursue this.

Free falling into post-grad existence, figuring out how to spend my time now that I wasn't in school and didn't have structure lined out for me; I spiralled and the only cushion was drawing and painting. Dance felt too confronting for a long time after I left school. It was as though I had to forget everything I'd been taught, shake it off me and cling to who I really was. 

Embracing this side of myself, along with my other passions has been deeply fulfilling. Even though I don't entirely know where I'm going yet, I believe in my direction. Spiral Eyedd has evolved from so many ideas - from sketchbook drawings, comic book, prints, paintings, and now a clothing collection. I truly see this creative world as a way to grow into myself and honour this side of my art practice. I hope you can explore with me.